I recently finished reading a beautifully painful story of someone very dear to my heart. It left me on my knees weeping and crying out to God. Each destructive choice was a cry for help, a cry that did not seem to be heard: “God’s church was more important than my petty problems.” A big part of the story was the individual’s personal relationship with God and experience growing up in a “Christian” home. This person’s unstable relationships with family, friends and church painted a very painful image of God, and the very thought of God seemed to torture this person’s soul: “I yearned for a God who gave a shit.” That is how deeply the scars of this life were affected.
Like a sharp knife, each story brought horrific scars to this individual and others: “As a result, I was not in the mood for good natured things, but drawn to gangs, drugs, and crime.” As I went through each page I could feel my emotions being poured over this story, as it became a part of me. I wanted to reach out into the pages and pull out this life that I had no idea had been massacred time and time again.
A part of the story that was very important to this individual was the image of God that the church and people of faith reflected. This is such a difficult subject, and I know this because it is part of my life and others around me. I know so many people who believe in God, but because of their own personal shame, they feel that the church won't accept them. Why is that?
I'm reminded of another close friend who felt a tremendous amount of rejection from people of faith. He desperately sought others who would value his life. He became involved in witchcraft and explored other beliefs, and hung out with people who acted like they gave a damn about him. At the age of 26, my friend Matt died in a shooting.
I wonder if people of faith could have treated him differently, would things be different? At times I feel like I didn't do my part as his friend to show God's unconditional love. I too have been deeply hurt by people of faith, but fortunately I have experienced God in a new light and have embarked on a long, hard journey of healing. All it takes is one person to make a difference in someone’s life, to help bring healing where we fail as humans. I'm not here to bash the church, but to ask a question. Are we reflecting God's love and grace so people can be drawn to find healing, or are we blocking out people who don’t look as if they belong?
Uriah Quezada
Uniquely made
Comes from a family of 8 kids
Feels shopping should be a sport
Comments (11)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Uriah. I know that your post is born from deep personal pain. You've ended with a challenging question for anyone who is in Christian leadership. I think we all want to be part of a gracious, accepting community, but it seems to be easier said than done. So the question might also be phrased; "How do we reflect God's love and grace so people can be drawn to find healing?"
Posted by Jeff J. | March 25, 2008 8:34 PM
Posted on March 25, 2008 20:34
I love you, Uriah. Thanks for opening up this way.
Posted by Lori Ventola | March 26, 2008 6:30 AM
Posted on March 26, 2008 06:30
Hey uriah, I am so proud of you for sharing this story with everybody. I can't imagine the feelings you carry, but know that I love you and am grateful to have you in my life.
Posted by tanya scaggs | March 26, 2008 2:16 PM
Posted on March 26, 2008 14:16
I have had the same problem all my christian life, I guess Im a christian outcast. Always being ignored and rejected by church people. I always felt I belonged in the "misfit aisle". but guess what? I have come to realize that the Lord really does loves me. I can cry out to Him and find comfort.
Posted by L | March 26, 2008 2:50 PM
Posted on March 26, 2008 14:50
As I get older and embark on new journies I tend to ask myself just how real am I in my claim on Christian beliefs. Am I showing God in was that broken people are wishing to see him? And I beleive so but there is very few of us who do it. We've all been broken at some points of our lives and I feel that to many time we hide that away from the church, but the church is the place in which people can find restoration, but we tend to dress our christianity up and act as if we don't suffer at all. God uses our hurts just as well as anything else in order to mold us and I know that for you Uriah he has done that in your life. Jer. 29:11 happened to be the verse that kept you, me and countless others from falling away but allowed us to embrace the pain that was brought unto our lives and use it to bring Christ in a new light for others. Great job on sharing your thoughts!
Posted by Inacia | March 26, 2008 3:02 PM
Posted on March 26, 2008 15:02
Your courage to share your pain helps me to feel secure to do the same.. I am grateful to have you in my life and love you so very much...
Posted by MAria | March 27, 2008 9:05 AM
Posted on March 27, 2008 09:05
Honestly I feel that you should go to church and hear what it is the lord may be saying to you through the message given by the pastor and forget about the rest yes, it is hurtful to be rejected by those who claim to be Christians; but a lot of them come to church and be churchy but come monday you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them and the unsaved.We are all people and we don't do what is right always. It's a sad thing to see but honestly there is only a few who trully follow the lord and his teachings. As long as you have the Lord, trust and believe in him and his word nothing that others say, do, or think should matter because this is your relationship with the Lord. Sadly its not going to change because no one and no church is perfect and if they ment to or not to hurt you it is what it is and you should pray for them and yourself and make sure your heart and mind stay pure. Hey in the end with pain comes growth. But remember the lord did say don't forsake the gathering so maybe thst church isn't the place for you seek him and he will lead you to where you have to go cuz it's the body ( Church) thats there for you to correct, guide, and be there for you. You need them just as much as they need you.
Posted by Isabel | March 28, 2008 5:12 PM
Posted on March 28, 2008 17:12
Uriah, you are uniquely made and I love the fact that you can express yourself through writing! As I read I felt a heart conviction because I know even in my own life I've rejected people, looked down on them,pushed them aside because of my own insecurities. And this made me get a change of heart! I love you always remember that never go a day without thinking your not loved because you are!
Posted by Leah | March 30, 2008 8:32 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 20:32
Wow this is a deep story! I'm proud of you for sharing your pain. I think that walking with god is a journey that is not always easy because there are many obstacles that we need to over come while walking with him, but at the same time thats how life is. Church wise I have always believed that when you go to church you have to be spiritually open to the word of god not to the word of the people, and what I try to do sometimes is to learn from the experiences that people have had. we are not perfect but yet we are full of wonders that can help others, such as LOVE.
Posted by Jazmin Lopez | March 31, 2008 11:29 AM
Posted on March 31, 2008 11:29
Uriah,
I am sorry this happened to your friend and the pain you continue to carry. To me you have become a person who helps me see through the shit of the church. You, and others, have helped give me confidence to return to church. THe church is the representative of God in his inaugurated kingdom, it is our picture of God in many ontological ways. It is imperfect, and the imperfection can cause great pain. But, we have each other, we have a community of friends, family and yes the church. This community is where healing begins and continues. This community, especially the church, needs great humility and to develop the ability to say I was wrong, I am sorry. To you, Uriah, as a member of the catholic Church, I apologize to you and your friend for the pain we caused him and you. Also, I thank you for being a person who has helped me, as part of my community, heal from some of the same shit you wrote about.
In love and patience we grow together.
Posted by Giles | April 11, 2008 2:33 PM
Posted on April 11, 2008 14:33
I feel you. I know the pain of loss and I know what its like to feel rejected. I thank you for sharing as well as encourage you to hold on to the idea that things can be different and will be.
Posted by Sarah | June 22, 2008 6:06 PM
Posted on June 22, 2008 18:06